So in a few hours I get to see which of the teachers will leave and who will stay. In Japan, government workers (and even some non government workers) are often transferred around after 3-8 years. Teachers, police, hospital workers, post office employees, etc., are all moved around. I understand why the system is in place where teachers move schools every few years, but I think that's just because Japanese higher ups don't like to get rid of the bad apples, so they just let each school share them for a while before moving them. My school currently has one of those. He sucks at teaching to the point that the school won't let him teach, but yet he's still at the school and they won't get rid of him. There's a lot of problems in Japanese business that differ from Western business problems, this is one of them. It seems like it slows things down, to constantly shift people around places where their main job might even change, forcing them to learn new things and constantly be behind.
Kevin's last night in Japan was last night. It was pretty simple, just me and him, eating dinner at Yeti and then a few drinks at Kyuusaiya, then games at the apartment for a bit. His leaving is a clear sign that my life in Japan is quickly drawing to a close. There's so many things I'll be happy to get away from here, so many things I'll be sad to leave, so many things I can't wait to get back to. The emotions are definitely flooding.
I still haven't figured out for sure what I'm doing for spring break, but I will be going to Tokyo on the 26th to meet Marika, a girl I met in the Yatai Mura a few weeks ago who will be going to Oregon for a 1 year study abroad. I'll also try meeting up with Ami and Atsushi if they are available.
Thinking of trying to get on those online dating sites a month before I go back. I'm tired of being single.
転勤【てんきん】 (tenkin) job transfer; job relocation; intra-company transfer
Monday, March 24, 2014
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
March 11th Anniversary, Graduation
This is my 100th post of the Dustin in Japan blog! It's unfortunate that I'm writing on such a downer of an entry this time.
Just a few minutes ago here at Jonan we all gathered outside. Every year at 2:46 PM on March 11th they ring the city warning bell for 1 minute for the anniversary of the March 11th earthquake and tsunami that ravaged a great part of the coastal Miyagi cities and towns. Even though I didn't experience the tsunami firsthand I couldn't help but think what a fearsome sound the warning bell was producing. As we walked back in a lot of my teachers were fighting back tears and one was letting them flow. While I am happy to join in on the remembrance of the anniversary, I don't feel exactly right crying along with people as I didn't experience it myself, nor did I lose anything in the disaster. I know others (including the people who were here at the time) would tell me it's ok, but that is just how I feel personally.
On the radio and TV they are talking about how Miyagi has to do its best and to dream of the future. But lately I've been hearing a common sentiment among the Japanese people and that is that those messages aren't exactly right. I agree with them. Japan is a country that doesn't express its feelings and I feel this severely hurts its people. It's important to talk about things, but Japanese people are apt to just bottle it up and move on. A common theme here includes the word 我慢 which, in the most honest translation, as its often used, is "just deal with it." It doesn't matter how you feel about things, it doesn't matter if it's right or not, just deal with it. It's how they get all the Japanese people on one page, and there are benefits to that, but overall I feel it's very unhealthy for the Japanese people's mental well being. One Japanese girl was telling me how the people lost in the tsunami have become taboo even, that they're not supposed to talk about them. It's only been 3 years and to think that those people are supposed to just be pushed to the back of others' memories so they won't make others sad anymore is nothing short of ridiculous. Japan needs to get over it's "but talking about feelings is embarrassing!" attitude. For the betterment of its people. Unfortunately, it either won't, or I won't live long enough to see it.
Graduation was this last weekend on the 8th. I went to Jonan this year. Actually I wanted to go to Jonan's graduation last year and to Niitsuki's this year, it sucks I didn't get to go to those respective graduations. But it was still cool to go to Jonan's. I've had these kids since halfway through their 1st year, and now I watched them graduate as 3rd years. It was the last graduation I'll see as an ALT. I didn't cry though. I thought I'd be able to change my social skills for the better when I came here, but so far, that's not the case. I hope my kids now will get a much better ALT than I. Someone told me that it'll be a shame when I leave back to America. I wish I could live up to those words.
I am back to Oregon in roughly 21 weeks!
我慢【がまん】 (gaman) patience; endurance; perseverance; tolerance;
Just a few minutes ago here at Jonan we all gathered outside. Every year at 2:46 PM on March 11th they ring the city warning bell for 1 minute for the anniversary of the March 11th earthquake and tsunami that ravaged a great part of the coastal Miyagi cities and towns. Even though I didn't experience the tsunami firsthand I couldn't help but think what a fearsome sound the warning bell was producing. As we walked back in a lot of my teachers were fighting back tears and one was letting them flow. While I am happy to join in on the remembrance of the anniversary, I don't feel exactly right crying along with people as I didn't experience it myself, nor did I lose anything in the disaster. I know others (including the people who were here at the time) would tell me it's ok, but that is just how I feel personally.
On the radio and TV they are talking about how Miyagi has to do its best and to dream of the future. But lately I've been hearing a common sentiment among the Japanese people and that is that those messages aren't exactly right. I agree with them. Japan is a country that doesn't express its feelings and I feel this severely hurts its people. It's important to talk about things, but Japanese people are apt to just bottle it up and move on. A common theme here includes the word 我慢 which, in the most honest translation, as its often used, is "just deal with it." It doesn't matter how you feel about things, it doesn't matter if it's right or not, just deal with it. It's how they get all the Japanese people on one page, and there are benefits to that, but overall I feel it's very unhealthy for the Japanese people's mental well being. One Japanese girl was telling me how the people lost in the tsunami have become taboo even, that they're not supposed to talk about them. It's only been 3 years and to think that those people are supposed to just be pushed to the back of others' memories so they won't make others sad anymore is nothing short of ridiculous. Japan needs to get over it's "but talking about feelings is embarrassing!" attitude. For the betterment of its people. Unfortunately, it either won't, or I won't live long enough to see it.
 | ||
| 2 girls that wanted a pic w/me |
I am back to Oregon in roughly 21 weeks!
我慢【がまん】 (gaman) patience; endurance; perseverance; tolerance;
Friday, March 7, 2014
Japanese Education System
The Japanese education system is like any other, ripe with beneficial and detrimental points. I'm going to give my take on each side.
Beneficial points.
1. They have this thing called "Integrated course" (Best I can translate 総合) where they do all sorts of different things ranging from learning how to cook rice in aluminum cups to going out and assuming the roles of fire fighters, store clerks, elementary school teacher assistants, and so on. I love this aspect of the system because they get a very real taste of what the work force feels like. It's as real as it can get for junior high school students at least, and I feel is a very good addition to the education system.
2. Students clean their school. There is a "janitor" of sorts, but he doesn't clean the classrooms, the bathrooms, or anything else besides the staff room and some areas outside. The students clean their classrooms and their bathrooms and generally keep the school clean. This gives them a respect for their classroom (and ultimately a higher respect for things in general) that Western students don't have. Of course, a lot of students don't actually take the cleaning that seriously and the next morning dust bunnies can be found without much effort. Also, in elementary school, leaving cleaning the bathroom to 1st and 2nd graders is not a good idea. I know from walking past it multiple times. All this said, I'm glad I didn't have to do this during my middle school years!
3. Students don't cook their own lunch but they serve it to each other. At least in America, our lunch is handed to us by a lunch lady/guy if you buy it at school (in Japan there is a forced school lunch for elementary school and some middle schools. Possibly some high schools but that would be rare if there are any). Again this serves to the respect and autonomy of the students.
4. They have school trips for each grade, and big events like Culture Day (文化祭) and Sports Day (運動会). These make the students work together to feel a bigger sense of togetherness and sportsmanship. On top of all that, the students organize and plan everything, adding to their maturity and planning skills.
Detrimental Points
1. Club activities. In middle school, every student is forced into after school club activities. I'm not really sure where I stand on the whole after school club activities thing but I definitely feel this is the worse of two (or more) evils. I would have hated middle school if they forced me into a club, and I'm sure there are students here who feel similar. On top of that, many clubs force their students to go to tournaments and come in on Saturday and even Sunday to practice. Every weekend is too much and takes away from family time that they already don't have enough of. This also forces teachers to work often 7 days a week, and many of them already work 12+ hour days on school days already. Of course there are benefits to joining a club, but the way it's done here, I feel the disadvantages outweigh the benefits.
2. Cram schools. As if club activities don't already take a ton of time away from the students, a lot of them are going to cram schools after school, arriving home past 9 pm. When kids are kids they should be allowed to be kids! There will be plenty of time to study later, and it's not like they aren't already studying now in school. Some kids go to these in elementary school as well. Cram school in elementary school? Really?
3. The teaching system is a very one-way style of teaching and it's very formulaic. The teacher gives information, the students write it down and memorize it. You rarely, if ever, see students and teacher engaged in a discussion, where students are asking about points they don't understand, asking questions that demonstrate critical thinking, or even really thinking for themselves during a lesson. I remember trying to give a lesson where the students had to think a bit, and most couldn't do it because it was "too hard." They were right. Their critical thinking skills aren't like their Western counterparts and I should have rethought the lesson.
4. Obviously I'm going to write about the English classes since that is the bulk of my experience here in the Japanese education system. Again, English is presented in a very formulaic manner. This is fine as language has rules that you can learn and follow to use it to communicate, but the formulas are very fluid. Especially in English, where one sentence won't fit every situation that it looks like it could fit. Japanese is a very rigid language without much variety. One sentence works in a multitude of situations and it is rarely changed. This is difficult to teach because the students and teachers are so used to their native tongue. So when you teach them one sentence in English and ask them to change it, it takes them forever. They also never study true conversation in school. There are times where students can recite big chunks of text in front of the classroom, but it's never really conversation. They can't sit there and have a conversation despite studying the language for years. It's because they study strictly for entrance exams to high school or university. It makes sense to study for these, but in the process, students are seeing English as a tool to get into schools, instead of what it really is: a tool for conversation. I have English teachers that can't speak English. They mark things correct that are out of this world wrong (Engrish is not the correct spelling). They import us as assistant language teachers but to be honest, in the classroom, we don't do much. We are overpaid for the jobs we are allowed to do. The English teachers are only concerned with finishing the textbook and in order to do that they have to focus on it and we aren't allowed any time to teach conversation or anything about other cultures (to a large extent. Some of us may get a few classes a year, if that. This year I'm getting none). Also so far I haven't heard any teacher say that to learn a foreign language you have to learn about it's culture, and this is more important than I think most people realize. I'm flat out saying that the English education in Japan is not good. It's just not good.
I think Japan has some good points in its education system, but it does need an overhaul, like most countries' education system.
Beneficial points.
1. They have this thing called "Integrated course" (Best I can translate 総合) where they do all sorts of different things ranging from learning how to cook rice in aluminum cups to going out and assuming the roles of fire fighters, store clerks, elementary school teacher assistants, and so on. I love this aspect of the system because they get a very real taste of what the work force feels like. It's as real as it can get for junior high school students at least, and I feel is a very good addition to the education system.
2. Students clean their school. There is a "janitor" of sorts, but he doesn't clean the classrooms, the bathrooms, or anything else besides the staff room and some areas outside. The students clean their classrooms and their bathrooms and generally keep the school clean. This gives them a respect for their classroom (and ultimately a higher respect for things in general) that Western students don't have. Of course, a lot of students don't actually take the cleaning that seriously and the next morning dust bunnies can be found without much effort. Also, in elementary school, leaving cleaning the bathroom to 1st and 2nd graders is not a good idea. I know from walking past it multiple times. All this said, I'm glad I didn't have to do this during my middle school years!
3. Students don't cook their own lunch but they serve it to each other. At least in America, our lunch is handed to us by a lunch lady/guy if you buy it at school (in Japan there is a forced school lunch for elementary school and some middle schools. Possibly some high schools but that would be rare if there are any). Again this serves to the respect and autonomy of the students.
4. They have school trips for each grade, and big events like Culture Day (文化祭) and Sports Day (運動会). These make the students work together to feel a bigger sense of togetherness and sportsmanship. On top of all that, the students organize and plan everything, adding to their maturity and planning skills.
Detrimental Points
1. Club activities. In middle school, every student is forced into after school club activities. I'm not really sure where I stand on the whole after school club activities thing but I definitely feel this is the worse of two (or more) evils. I would have hated middle school if they forced me into a club, and I'm sure there are students here who feel similar. On top of that, many clubs force their students to go to tournaments and come in on Saturday and even Sunday to practice. Every weekend is too much and takes away from family time that they already don't have enough of. This also forces teachers to work often 7 days a week, and many of them already work 12+ hour days on school days already. Of course there are benefits to joining a club, but the way it's done here, I feel the disadvantages outweigh the benefits.
2. Cram schools. As if club activities don't already take a ton of time away from the students, a lot of them are going to cram schools after school, arriving home past 9 pm. When kids are kids they should be allowed to be kids! There will be plenty of time to study later, and it's not like they aren't already studying now in school. Some kids go to these in elementary school as well. Cram school in elementary school? Really?
3. The teaching system is a very one-way style of teaching and it's very formulaic. The teacher gives information, the students write it down and memorize it. You rarely, if ever, see students and teacher engaged in a discussion, where students are asking about points they don't understand, asking questions that demonstrate critical thinking, or even really thinking for themselves during a lesson. I remember trying to give a lesson where the students had to think a bit, and most couldn't do it because it was "too hard." They were right. Their critical thinking skills aren't like their Western counterparts and I should have rethought the lesson.
4. Obviously I'm going to write about the English classes since that is the bulk of my experience here in the Japanese education system. Again, English is presented in a very formulaic manner. This is fine as language has rules that you can learn and follow to use it to communicate, but the formulas are very fluid. Especially in English, where one sentence won't fit every situation that it looks like it could fit. Japanese is a very rigid language without much variety. One sentence works in a multitude of situations and it is rarely changed. This is difficult to teach because the students and teachers are so used to their native tongue. So when you teach them one sentence in English and ask them to change it, it takes them forever. They also never study true conversation in school. There are times where students can recite big chunks of text in front of the classroom, but it's never really conversation. They can't sit there and have a conversation despite studying the language for years. It's because they study strictly for entrance exams to high school or university. It makes sense to study for these, but in the process, students are seeing English as a tool to get into schools, instead of what it really is: a tool for conversation. I have English teachers that can't speak English. They mark things correct that are out of this world wrong (Engrish is not the correct spelling). They import us as assistant language teachers but to be honest, in the classroom, we don't do much. We are overpaid for the jobs we are allowed to do. The English teachers are only concerned with finishing the textbook and in order to do that they have to focus on it and we aren't allowed any time to teach conversation or anything about other cultures (to a large extent. Some of us may get a few classes a year, if that. This year I'm getting none). Also so far I haven't heard any teacher say that to learn a foreign language you have to learn about it's culture, and this is more important than I think most people realize. I'm flat out saying that the English education in Japan is not good. It's just not good.
I think Japan has some good points in its education system, but it does need an overhaul, like most countries' education system.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
New Interac ALT, Graduation, Rachel Coming Back
I ended up not going anywhere despite having 5 days off about 3 weeks ago, but that's fine. I just played games and it was nice getting back on track with everything.
Kevin got a job and will be leaving next month on the 24th or so. I'm interested to see who the new ALT will be. Lately I've been having bad luck with the newbies so hopefully this new guy (definitely going to be a guy, watch) will be a breath of fresh air. If not, he'll be far away enough I can avoid him easily. We're having a send off party for Kevin this Saturday (in 2 days) starting at Shinkyo (Chinese restaurant) and going to Ami, with Stray Sheep likely afterwards.
It's about that time to start saying goodbye to the 3rd years (9th graders). On the 8th of next month they'll be graduating and leaving the schools. I'm at Niitsuki today and I've got my last class with both the 3rd years today. It's sad because they are the students I have had my entire time here (besides the elementary kids) and now they'll be leaving. It's been a short 2.5 years. I wish them luck!
Rachel is coming back again for graduation and the tsunami anniversary from the 8th to the 12th next month. Need to start cleaning! Also need to make plans for spring break!
Been playing the Last of Us lately. Good game. I really want to visit a ghost town sometime in my life so I am really enjoying the visuals.
卒業【そつぎょう】 (sotsugyou) graduation
Kevin got a job and will be leaving next month on the 24th or so. I'm interested to see who the new ALT will be. Lately I've been having bad luck with the newbies so hopefully this new guy (definitely going to be a guy, watch) will be a breath of fresh air. If not, he'll be far away enough I can avoid him easily. We're having a send off party for Kevin this Saturday (in 2 days) starting at Shinkyo (Chinese restaurant) and going to Ami, with Stray Sheep likely afterwards.
It's about that time to start saying goodbye to the 3rd years (9th graders). On the 8th of next month they'll be graduating and leaving the schools. I'm at Niitsuki today and I've got my last class with both the 3rd years today. It's sad because they are the students I have had my entire time here (besides the elementary kids) and now they'll be leaving. It's been a short 2.5 years. I wish them luck!
Rachel is coming back again for graduation and the tsunami anniversary from the 8th to the 12th next month. Need to start cleaning! Also need to make plans for spring break!
Been playing the Last of Us lately. Good game. I really want to visit a ghost town sometime in my life so I am really enjoying the visuals.
卒業【そつぎょう】 (sotsugyou) graduation
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
What If?
I've been writing here a lot lately but I feel that right now it's the only way to keep myself sane. It's pretty lonely at night, I think that's making it really hard to sleep and the silence has been getting to me.
Lately I've been thinking about the people I've met over the years, and it's only been because I made it on to the JET program. I met awesome people, but I wonder what it would have been like if I had made different choices. I'm not saying I made the wrong choice, but rather, what kind of people would I have met if I had gone to, say, China, or France, or wherever else. What kind of people would I have met then? What would my life be like now? What would my life be like if I never came to Japan? Would I be a nurse by now? Would I have found my passion and opened my own business by now? It's interesting to think about even though it's impossible to really speculate about the different people I would have met. Overall I'm happy with the people I've met here.
It's going to be so easy, yet so hard, to finally go back home.
若しも【もしも】 (moshimo) if
Lately I've been thinking about the people I've met over the years, and it's only been because I made it on to the JET program. I met awesome people, but I wonder what it would have been like if I had made different choices. I'm not saying I made the wrong choice, but rather, what kind of people would I have met if I had gone to, say, China, or France, or wherever else. What kind of people would I have met then? What would my life be like now? What would my life be like if I never came to Japan? Would I be a nurse by now? Would I have found my passion and opened my own business by now? It's interesting to think about even though it's impossible to really speculate about the different people I would have met. Overall I'm happy with the people I've met here.
It's going to be so easy, yet so hard, to finally go back home.
若しも【もしも】 (moshimo) if
Monday, February 3, 2014
Relationships
Well since she broke it off I'm going to guess she doesn't read this anymore. She told me she used to, back in October, but it's unlikely she does now.
My Japanese friend (who is a girl) once told me that when Japanese girls are mad, they stay silent and don't tend to say anything. I feel like this might be the same with problems in their relationships. I've dated two Japanese girls now, and both of them broke it off with me, and both times, it went like this:
Sweet text message
Sweet text message
Sweet text message
...See ya!
Granted there were a few other signs here and there I probably should have picked up on, but for the most part I didn't feel like anything was majorly wrong. At least, wrong enough to just break it off entirely. Both times too, we had plans to meet up over long distances, and both times, I was led to believe those meetings would happen up until the break-up text. Now that I think about it, it is pretty vexing. You don't just wake up one day and say "hey, there's a bunch of problems I didn't notice until just today. Weshould talk about them are going break up." They fester over a period of time until you get to a boiling point and stuff starts overflowing. Then, even if you turn off the heat, so much has overflown and it's not like you can get it back.
Western relationships seem to work on the basis of telling each other what you want/need (women a little less than men here). The good side of this is that there is no guesswork. You know what is working and what isn't, what to keep doing and what to work on. The bad side of this is that people often aren't good at making these statements of their wants/needs without making it sound like an attack on their partner (or, their partner isn't good at taking these statements not as attacks), which can lead to feelings of resentment and fights.
Japanese relationships seem to work on the basis of guessing what the other wants and trying to make the other person happy. The good side of this is that there is a fairly clear attempt to make the relationship work. The bad side is that there is a lot of guesswork, and if something isn't working, neither side will address it. Talking about feelings isn't big in Japanese society, even to your significant other. Hell, they don't even really say "I love you" to each other (in contrast, I believe Westerners say this too much).
Both times I felt like I tried to hard to make the relationships work (NOT to be read: I was perfect, I did everything right). But both times I got the text of death at the point where the girls had given up completely. There was no hint of "maybe we can make this work if we change things." There was no hint of "I need something different, can you give that to me or no?" There was no hint of "I still like you, but I feel those feelings slipping, we should talk about it." I wanted to try and fix things, and I feel like, if they had talked to me earlier about things, that we could have, in both relationships. It is impossible to stop the car if the wall gives no indication of its presence until the final second.
I wonder how happy Japanese people really are in their relationships. I feel communication in relationships isn't valued as much here as it is in Western cultures, and yet communication is one of the key ingredients to a long lasting, happy relationship according to many couples. Key word there being 'happy.' Divorce is looked down upon so many Japanese stay married even if they live away from their spouse, although this does seem to be changing. Westerners on the other hand can be divorce happy, and that, unfortunately, doesn't seem to be changing positively.
If it sounds like I'm simply attacking Japanese girls/society here, I'm really not. Like I already mentioned, there were things I probably could have done better too. I could probably write a book on why I'm not exactly Prince Charming. But both of these relationships failed in large part because the girl didn't bring up major problems before hand. I didn't feel there was anything terribly wrong, and I definitely didn't think she was thinking of breaking up with me. I don't know. Maybe this was all by design. Maybe I was just being used? I doubt that because I'm not good looking or extremely outgoing. Culture for sure plays a large role here, but I really feel with just a little more communication that things could have gone so much better. Maybe next relationship I should make a monthly appointment to ask the girl if anything is wrong. I need to get her to tell me the ship is sinking before it actually sinks. We can't save it if it's already submerged.
The saddest thing is that I like to kind of keep in touch with my old flames. I like to see what they're up to and see if they're happy. I want to be friends with them. It's not like I want to keep them around for the possibility of getting back together or anything like that, I'm just genuinely interested in their lives. It's sad to share such intimate moments only to just never talk again, I think. But none of them share those same feelings. They just never want to talk again.
To be honest there isn't really a point to this post, even though it's probably the longest one on here. It just feels nice to get some things off my chest. Maybe I can read this later and smile about it. I think the most important thing for me now is to try and take as many lessons out of this as I can (although I just turned 30, I'm still VERY new to the whole dating/girlfriend thing) If any of those girls ARE reading this, I'm not saying it was your fault, but rather both of ours. I'm not blaming you either. I'm not mad. I'm just sad, and likely will be about it for some time.
フラれる (furareru) to be dumped
My Japanese friend (who is a girl) once told me that when Japanese girls are mad, they stay silent and don't tend to say anything. I feel like this might be the same with problems in their relationships. I've dated two Japanese girls now, and both of them broke it off with me, and both times, it went like this:
Sweet text message
Sweet text message
Sweet text message
...See ya!
Granted there were a few other signs here and there I probably should have picked up on, but for the most part I didn't feel like anything was majorly wrong. At least, wrong enough to just break it off entirely. Both times too, we had plans to meet up over long distances, and both times, I was led to believe those meetings would happen up until the break-up text. Now that I think about it, it is pretty vexing. You don't just wake up one day and say "hey, there's a bunch of problems I didn't notice until just today. We
Western relationships seem to work on the basis of telling each other what you want/need (women a little less than men here). The good side of this is that there is no guesswork. You know what is working and what isn't, what to keep doing and what to work on. The bad side of this is that people often aren't good at making these statements of their wants/needs without making it sound like an attack on their partner (or, their partner isn't good at taking these statements not as attacks), which can lead to feelings of resentment and fights.
Japanese relationships seem to work on the basis of guessing what the other wants and trying to make the other person happy. The good side of this is that there is a fairly clear attempt to make the relationship work. The bad side is that there is a lot of guesswork, and if something isn't working, neither side will address it. Talking about feelings isn't big in Japanese society, even to your significant other. Hell, they don't even really say "I love you" to each other (in contrast, I believe Westerners say this too much).
Both times I felt like I tried to hard to make the relationships work (NOT to be read: I was perfect, I did everything right). But both times I got the text of death at the point where the girls had given up completely. There was no hint of "maybe we can make this work if we change things." There was no hint of "I need something different, can you give that to me or no?" There was no hint of "I still like you, but I feel those feelings slipping, we should talk about it." I wanted to try and fix things, and I feel like, if they had talked to me earlier about things, that we could have, in both relationships. It is impossible to stop the car if the wall gives no indication of its presence until the final second.
I wonder how happy Japanese people really are in their relationships. I feel communication in relationships isn't valued as much here as it is in Western cultures, and yet communication is one of the key ingredients to a long lasting, happy relationship according to many couples. Key word there being 'happy.' Divorce is looked down upon so many Japanese stay married even if they live away from their spouse, although this does seem to be changing. Westerners on the other hand can be divorce happy, and that, unfortunately, doesn't seem to be changing positively.
If it sounds like I'm simply attacking Japanese girls/society here, I'm really not. Like I already mentioned, there were things I probably could have done better too. I could probably write a book on why I'm not exactly Prince Charming. But both of these relationships failed in large part because the girl didn't bring up major problems before hand. I didn't feel there was anything terribly wrong, and I definitely didn't think she was thinking of breaking up with me. I don't know. Maybe this was all by design. Maybe I was just being used? I doubt that because I'm not good looking or extremely outgoing. Culture for sure plays a large role here, but I really feel with just a little more communication that things could have gone so much better. Maybe next relationship I should make a monthly appointment to ask the girl if anything is wrong. I need to get her to tell me the ship is sinking before it actually sinks. We can't save it if it's already submerged.
The saddest thing is that I like to kind of keep in touch with my old flames. I like to see what they're up to and see if they're happy. I want to be friends with them. It's not like I want to keep them around for the possibility of getting back together or anything like that, I'm just genuinely interested in their lives. It's sad to share such intimate moments only to just never talk again, I think. But none of them share those same feelings. They just never want to talk again.
To be honest there isn't really a point to this post, even though it's probably the longest one on here. It just feels nice to get some things off my chest. Maybe I can read this later and smile about it. I think the most important thing for me now is to try and take as many lessons out of this as I can (although I just turned 30, I'm still VERY new to the whole dating/girlfriend thing) If any of those girls ARE reading this, I'm not saying it was your fault, but rather both of ours. I'm not blaming you either. I'm not mad. I'm just sad, and likely will be about it for some time.
フラれる (furareru) to be dumped
Friday, January 31, 2014
Nothing to Offer
Aaaaand, I'm not going to Osaka anymore. I figured out these past few months that I don't really have a lot to offer girls in a relationship. There isn't much I can do as a person to make them like me. I don't really know how to put it other than that. I've never been good with relationships but I think it's going to be even harder for me from now on. I always thought I might be good with this sort of thing if I could just get a girlfriend but I don't think that's the case at all. Like a lot of the things I try, I'm really bad at it, and if I want to get better it'll take me a long time of learning. Japan, in this regard, you really have not been kind to me. What's sad is that it's been kinder than the states has.
落込む【おちこむ】(ochi/komu) to feel down (sad)
落込む【おちこむ】(ochi/komu) to feel down (sad)
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