I ended up not going anywhere despite having 5 days off about 3 weeks ago, but that's fine. I just played games and it was nice getting back on track with everything.
Kevin got a job and will be leaving next month on the 24th or so. I'm interested to see who the new ALT will be. Lately I've been having bad luck with the newbies so hopefully this new guy (definitely going to be a guy, watch) will be a breath of fresh air. If not, he'll be far away enough I can avoid him easily. We're having a send off party for Kevin this Saturday (in 2 days) starting at Shinkyo (Chinese restaurant) and going to Ami, with Stray Sheep likely afterwards.
It's about that time to start saying goodbye to the 3rd years (9th graders). On the 8th of next month they'll be graduating and leaving the schools. I'm at Niitsuki today and I've got my last class with both the 3rd years today. It's sad because they are the students I have had my entire time here (besides the elementary kids) and now they'll be leaving. It's been a short 2.5 years. I wish them luck!
Rachel is coming back again for graduation and the tsunami anniversary from the 8th to the 12th next month. Need to start cleaning! Also need to make plans for spring break!
Been playing the Last of Us lately. Good game. I really want to visit a ghost town sometime in my life so I am really enjoying the visuals.
卒業【そつぎょう】 (sotsugyou) graduation
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
What If?
I've been writing here a lot lately but I feel that right now it's the only way to keep myself sane. It's pretty lonely at night, I think that's making it really hard to sleep and the silence has been getting to me.
Lately I've been thinking about the people I've met over the years, and it's only been because I made it on to the JET program. I met awesome people, but I wonder what it would have been like if I had made different choices. I'm not saying I made the wrong choice, but rather, what kind of people would I have met if I had gone to, say, China, or France, or wherever else. What kind of people would I have met then? What would my life be like now? What would my life be like if I never came to Japan? Would I be a nurse by now? Would I have found my passion and opened my own business by now? It's interesting to think about even though it's impossible to really speculate about the different people I would have met. Overall I'm happy with the people I've met here.
It's going to be so easy, yet so hard, to finally go back home.
若しも【もしも】 (moshimo) if
Lately I've been thinking about the people I've met over the years, and it's only been because I made it on to the JET program. I met awesome people, but I wonder what it would have been like if I had made different choices. I'm not saying I made the wrong choice, but rather, what kind of people would I have met if I had gone to, say, China, or France, or wherever else. What kind of people would I have met then? What would my life be like now? What would my life be like if I never came to Japan? Would I be a nurse by now? Would I have found my passion and opened my own business by now? It's interesting to think about even though it's impossible to really speculate about the different people I would have met. Overall I'm happy with the people I've met here.
It's going to be so easy, yet so hard, to finally go back home.
若しも【もしも】 (moshimo) if
Monday, February 3, 2014
Relationships
Well since she broke it off I'm going to guess she doesn't read this anymore. She told me she used to, back in October, but it's unlikely she does now.
My Japanese friend (who is a girl) once told me that when Japanese girls are mad, they stay silent and don't tend to say anything. I feel like this might be the same with problems in their relationships. I've dated two Japanese girls now, and both of them broke it off with me, and both times, it went like this:
Sweet text message
Sweet text message
Sweet text message
...See ya!
Granted there were a few other signs here and there I probably should have picked up on, but for the most part I didn't feel like anything was majorly wrong. At least, wrong enough to just break it off entirely. Both times too, we had plans to meet up over long distances, and both times, I was led to believe those meetings would happen up until the break-up text. Now that I think about it, it is pretty vexing. You don't just wake up one day and say "hey, there's a bunch of problems I didn't notice until just today. Weshould talk about them are going break up." They fester over a period of time until you get to a boiling point and stuff starts overflowing. Then, even if you turn off the heat, so much has overflown and it's not like you can get it back.
Western relationships seem to work on the basis of telling each other what you want/need (women a little less than men here). The good side of this is that there is no guesswork. You know what is working and what isn't, what to keep doing and what to work on. The bad side of this is that people often aren't good at making these statements of their wants/needs without making it sound like an attack on their partner (or, their partner isn't good at taking these statements not as attacks), which can lead to feelings of resentment and fights.
Japanese relationships seem to work on the basis of guessing what the other wants and trying to make the other person happy. The good side of this is that there is a fairly clear attempt to make the relationship work. The bad side is that there is a lot of guesswork, and if something isn't working, neither side will address it. Talking about feelings isn't big in Japanese society, even to your significant other. Hell, they don't even really say "I love you" to each other (in contrast, I believe Westerners say this too much).
Both times I felt like I tried to hard to make the relationships work (NOT to be read: I was perfect, I did everything right). But both times I got the text of death at the point where the girls had given up completely. There was no hint of "maybe we can make this work if we change things." There was no hint of "I need something different, can you give that to me or no?" There was no hint of "I still like you, but I feel those feelings slipping, we should talk about it." I wanted to try and fix things, and I feel like, if they had talked to me earlier about things, that we could have, in both relationships. It is impossible to stop the car if the wall gives no indication of its presence until the final second.
I wonder how happy Japanese people really are in their relationships. I feel communication in relationships isn't valued as much here as it is in Western cultures, and yet communication is one of the key ingredients to a long lasting, happy relationship according to many couples. Key word there being 'happy.' Divorce is looked down upon so many Japanese stay married even if they live away from their spouse, although this does seem to be changing. Westerners on the other hand can be divorce happy, and that, unfortunately, doesn't seem to be changing positively.
If it sounds like I'm simply attacking Japanese girls/society here, I'm really not. Like I already mentioned, there were things I probably could have done better too. I could probably write a book on why I'm not exactly Prince Charming. But both of these relationships failed in large part because the girl didn't bring up major problems before hand. I didn't feel there was anything terribly wrong, and I definitely didn't think she was thinking of breaking up with me. I don't know. Maybe this was all by design. Maybe I was just being used? I doubt that because I'm not good looking or extremely outgoing. Culture for sure plays a large role here, but I really feel with just a little more communication that things could have gone so much better. Maybe next relationship I should make a monthly appointment to ask the girl if anything is wrong. I need to get her to tell me the ship is sinking before it actually sinks. We can't save it if it's already submerged.
The saddest thing is that I like to kind of keep in touch with my old flames. I like to see what they're up to and see if they're happy. I want to be friends with them. It's not like I want to keep them around for the possibility of getting back together or anything like that, I'm just genuinely interested in their lives. It's sad to share such intimate moments only to just never talk again, I think. But none of them share those same feelings. They just never want to talk again.
To be honest there isn't really a point to this post, even though it's probably the longest one on here. It just feels nice to get some things off my chest. Maybe I can read this later and smile about it. I think the most important thing for me now is to try and take as many lessons out of this as I can (although I just turned 30, I'm still VERY new to the whole dating/girlfriend thing) If any of those girls ARE reading this, I'm not saying it was your fault, but rather both of ours. I'm not blaming you either. I'm not mad. I'm just sad, and likely will be about it for some time.
フラれる (furareru) to be dumped
My Japanese friend (who is a girl) once told me that when Japanese girls are mad, they stay silent and don't tend to say anything. I feel like this might be the same with problems in their relationships. I've dated two Japanese girls now, and both of them broke it off with me, and both times, it went like this:
Sweet text message
Sweet text message
Sweet text message
...See ya!
Granted there were a few other signs here and there I probably should have picked up on, but for the most part I didn't feel like anything was majorly wrong. At least, wrong enough to just break it off entirely. Both times too, we had plans to meet up over long distances, and both times, I was led to believe those meetings would happen up until the break-up text. Now that I think about it, it is pretty vexing. You don't just wake up one day and say "hey, there's a bunch of problems I didn't notice until just today. We
Western relationships seem to work on the basis of telling each other what you want/need (women a little less than men here). The good side of this is that there is no guesswork. You know what is working and what isn't, what to keep doing and what to work on. The bad side of this is that people often aren't good at making these statements of their wants/needs without making it sound like an attack on their partner (or, their partner isn't good at taking these statements not as attacks), which can lead to feelings of resentment and fights.
Japanese relationships seem to work on the basis of guessing what the other wants and trying to make the other person happy. The good side of this is that there is a fairly clear attempt to make the relationship work. The bad side is that there is a lot of guesswork, and if something isn't working, neither side will address it. Talking about feelings isn't big in Japanese society, even to your significant other. Hell, they don't even really say "I love you" to each other (in contrast, I believe Westerners say this too much).
Both times I felt like I tried to hard to make the relationships work (NOT to be read: I was perfect, I did everything right). But both times I got the text of death at the point where the girls had given up completely. There was no hint of "maybe we can make this work if we change things." There was no hint of "I need something different, can you give that to me or no?" There was no hint of "I still like you, but I feel those feelings slipping, we should talk about it." I wanted to try and fix things, and I feel like, if they had talked to me earlier about things, that we could have, in both relationships. It is impossible to stop the car if the wall gives no indication of its presence until the final second.
I wonder how happy Japanese people really are in their relationships. I feel communication in relationships isn't valued as much here as it is in Western cultures, and yet communication is one of the key ingredients to a long lasting, happy relationship according to many couples. Key word there being 'happy.' Divorce is looked down upon so many Japanese stay married even if they live away from their spouse, although this does seem to be changing. Westerners on the other hand can be divorce happy, and that, unfortunately, doesn't seem to be changing positively.
If it sounds like I'm simply attacking Japanese girls/society here, I'm really not. Like I already mentioned, there were things I probably could have done better too. I could probably write a book on why I'm not exactly Prince Charming. But both of these relationships failed in large part because the girl didn't bring up major problems before hand. I didn't feel there was anything terribly wrong, and I definitely didn't think she was thinking of breaking up with me. I don't know. Maybe this was all by design. Maybe I was just being used? I doubt that because I'm not good looking or extremely outgoing. Culture for sure plays a large role here, but I really feel with just a little more communication that things could have gone so much better. Maybe next relationship I should make a monthly appointment to ask the girl if anything is wrong. I need to get her to tell me the ship is sinking before it actually sinks. We can't save it if it's already submerged.
The saddest thing is that I like to kind of keep in touch with my old flames. I like to see what they're up to and see if they're happy. I want to be friends with them. It's not like I want to keep them around for the possibility of getting back together or anything like that, I'm just genuinely interested in their lives. It's sad to share such intimate moments only to just never talk again, I think. But none of them share those same feelings. They just never want to talk again.
To be honest there isn't really a point to this post, even though it's probably the longest one on here. It just feels nice to get some things off my chest. Maybe I can read this later and smile about it. I think the most important thing for me now is to try and take as many lessons out of this as I can (although I just turned 30, I'm still VERY new to the whole dating/girlfriend thing) If any of those girls ARE reading this, I'm not saying it was your fault, but rather both of ours. I'm not blaming you either. I'm not mad. I'm just sad, and likely will be about it for some time.
フラれる (furareru) to be dumped
Friday, January 31, 2014
Nothing to Offer
Aaaaand, I'm not going to Osaka anymore. I figured out these past few months that I don't really have a lot to offer girls in a relationship. There isn't much I can do as a person to make them like me. I don't really know how to put it other than that. I've never been good with relationships but I think it's going to be even harder for me from now on. I always thought I might be good with this sort of thing if I could just get a girlfriend but I don't think that's the case at all. Like a lot of the things I try, I'm really bad at it, and if I want to get better it'll take me a long time of learning. Japan, in this regard, you really have not been kind to me. What's sad is that it's been kinder than the states has.
落込む【おちこむ】(ochi/komu) to feel down (sad)
落込む【おちこむ】(ochi/komu) to feel down (sad)
Monday, January 27, 2014
30th Birthday
Been following the Blazers lately when I can, they're off to a good start this season, currently 3rd in the West, sitting on a 33-12 record (they lost today). Predicting they end up with the 4th seed, we'll see how close I am. Also been playing League of Legends quite a bit, trying to catch up to Chiem in skill level, although that might be impossible now, he's too good and I'm not good at these types of games.
So I'm 30. 3 decades old now. My birthday was fun, me and a few people went to Yeti for dinner (the 2 Pierres, Dara, Tara, Hiroe, Kevin) and then went to Moon Rocks for some drinks. I got some cool presents over the days too. Pierre-A got me the Metal Gear Solid trilogy for PS3, very cool but I have to download MGS1 from the store, which is kinda lame. I also got some sake from Pierre-M, cheesecake from Tara, notebooks from Hiroe, a new bag from Machiko (my old one was ripping, such a thoughtful gift!), a shirt from Satoko, a bottle of tequila from Toro and a battery charger from my parents.
Going to ask for vacation time for next month so I can go to Osaka! We have a Tuesday off next month so I'm trying to take Friday and the Monday off to get a nice long weekend. It's going to be sweet!
三十路【みそじ】 (misoji) age thirty
So I'm 30. 3 decades old now. My birthday was fun, me and a few people went to Yeti for dinner (the 2 Pierres, Dara, Tara, Hiroe, Kevin) and then went to Moon Rocks for some drinks. I got some cool presents over the days too. Pierre-A got me the Metal Gear Solid trilogy for PS3, very cool but I have to download MGS1 from the store, which is kinda lame. I also got some sake from Pierre-M, cheesecake from Tara, notebooks from Hiroe, a new bag from Machiko (my old one was ripping, such a thoughtful gift!), a shirt from Satoko, a bottle of tequila from Toro and a battery charger from my parents.Going to ask for vacation time for next month so I can go to Osaka! We have a Tuesday off next month so I'm trying to take Friday and the Monday off to get a nice long weekend. It's going to be sweet!
三十路【みそじ】 (misoji) age thirty
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
End of Year Party, Hiroshima, Hida Takayama, New Year's, Nagano
Seems the time I take to write these things keeps getting longer and longer. Not sure why, I think I just keep forgetting to write entries.
Anyway on the 20th I came down with a migraine around 9:30 and had to go home and miss the ceremony for winter vacation. I was really sad about that, but managed to pick myself up for the end of year party 忘年会 at Ikkeikaku, a hotel near my apartment. These enaki foods actually aren't that good, even though they're presented beautifully. They asked me to sing happy birthday to the math teacher which was cool. One of the teachers threw up after other teachers got him to eat multiple spoonfuls of wasabi. We played bingo and I won a bunch of useless stuff like foot inserts and those rubber finger protectors that look like mini condoms. Fun night, but I didn't attend the after party as I still wasn't feeling well from my headache.
On Christmas eve I started my trip down to Hiroshima at around 3pm. 24 hours later I arrived at the hotel I was staying at to see Machiko. We went out and had okonomiyaki, then went and bought a Christmas cake. The next day we went to the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum. There were a lot of sad stories about the war victims. I wondered if the government would have still dropped the bomb if they could see firsthand what it would have caused to people. After seeing that we went to Miyajima to see the Itsukushima shrine. It's a big shrine out in the water and I had always wanted to see it. It was cool, although we should have gotten up a bit earlier so we could have seen the other stuff (it was nighttime when we finally arrived).
We took a night bus to a place called Hida Takayama 飛騨高山. We went to a village that had been preserved and walked around and inside some of the buildings. They had items from their respective time periods including spindles, silk worm raising artifacts, and cooking utensils. The snow made it very beautiful, but we were also on our way to Tokyo that day, so we couldn't stay long, and ended up leaving around 3 pm.
We hit Tokyo and a few hours later were on our way to Sendai. From Sendai I went home for a day, then Machiko came to Kesennuma the next day. We tried to go to Brunch but it was closed, so we went to a different pasta restaurant near Big House. We had wanted a parfait the other day, so we got it then. We went to Stray Sheep for a while before turning in.
The next day we went back to Sendai and met Tara there, hanging out with Machiko's friend Asana for a sushi dinner then going back to her parents'. We watched the Japanese new year show (forgot what it's called) and I think the white side won. The next day we went back to their place to eat osechi and
then went to a temple to pray for good luck for the following year. We went to karaoke then back to the parents' house to look at Machiko's baby and early school pictures. So cute! Machiko's parents fed us soba (what you're supposed to eat on new year's day) and osechi (what you're supposed to eat that morning), then dinner that day. Her mom is an amazing cook. It isn't easy for me to eat breakfast but I got a lot down. The next day we shopped around for a bit before going back to Kesennuma.
Now I'm in Nagao with Tara. We stayed at a ryokan the first night, eating chanko nabe for dinner. Chanko nabe is what sumo wrestlers eat a lot of while they're trying to gain weight. It wasn't too different from regular nabe in my opinion, but it's good, I can see how they could eat that every day. The next morning we went to a mountain area with monkeys. There's an onsen (hot spring) where the monkeys bathe so we went to see them. They're so
adorable, picking at each other and hugging each other for warmth. We tried an onsen there, but the water was too hot inside, so we went outside, clothes on, and sat with the monkeys as they picked at each other. Went to Zenkoji temple and eventually to dinner at a high end restaurant where we were served a 7 course meal that included duck. It was delicious, although I wish the portion sizes were a big bigger. Afterwards we tried to get tacos at a different restaurant but they were all out so we just went back to the hotel.
The next day we hit the mountains. Tara went skiing and I was trying to finish a tax document for CollabHealth that I should have finished already. I got most of it done, and finally finished it for my Skype meeting Tuesday. We went to an onsen and then finally got the tacos we wanted! 1,600 yen, a bit steep, but I had been craving them for a while now so I paid up.
Sekine Toru, who I met volunteering a year ago, came back to Kesennuma for a visit so I saw him last night at Stray Sheep. Makes me feel like time is just flying by. Pretty soon I'll be reading this and it'll be a few years past already.
If Machiko is still in Hiroshima in a month, I'll go to Osaka!
旅行【りょこう】 (ryokou) travel; trip
Anyway on the 20th I came down with a migraine around 9:30 and had to go home and miss the ceremony for winter vacation. I was really sad about that, but managed to pick myself up for the end of year party 忘年会 at Ikkeikaku, a hotel near my apartment. These enaki foods actually aren't that good, even though they're presented beautifully. They asked me to sing happy birthday to the math teacher which was cool. One of the teachers threw up after other teachers got him to eat multiple spoonfuls of wasabi. We played bingo and I won a bunch of useless stuff like foot inserts and those rubber finger protectors that look like mini condoms. Fun night, but I didn't attend the after party as I still wasn't feeling well from my headache.
On Christmas eve I started my trip down to Hiroshima at around 3pm. 24 hours later I arrived at the hotel I was staying at to see Machiko. We went out and had okonomiyaki, then went and bought a Christmas cake. The next day we went to the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum. There were a lot of sad stories about the war victims. I wondered if the government would have still dropped the bomb if they could see firsthand what it would have caused to people. After seeing that we went to Miyajima to see the Itsukushima shrine. It's a big shrine out in the water and I had always wanted to see it. It was cool, although we should have gotten up a bit earlier so we could have seen the other stuff (it was nighttime when we finally arrived).We took a night bus to a place called Hida Takayama 飛騨高山. We went to a village that had been preserved and walked around and inside some of the buildings. They had items from their respective time periods including spindles, silk worm raising artifacts, and cooking utensils. The snow made it very beautiful, but we were also on our way to Tokyo that day, so we couldn't stay long, and ended up leaving around 3 pm.We hit Tokyo and a few hours later were on our way to Sendai. From Sendai I went home for a day, then Machiko came to Kesennuma the next day. We tried to go to Brunch but it was closed, so we went to a different pasta restaurant near Big House. We had wanted a parfait the other day, so we got it then. We went to Stray Sheep for a while before turning in.
The next day we went back to Sendai and met Tara there, hanging out with Machiko's friend Asana for a sushi dinner then going back to her parents'. We watched the Japanese new year show (forgot what it's called) and I think the white side won. The next day we went back to their place to eat osechi and
Now I'm in Nagao with Tara. We stayed at a ryokan the first night, eating chanko nabe for dinner. Chanko nabe is what sumo wrestlers eat a lot of while they're trying to gain weight. It wasn't too different from regular nabe in my opinion, but it's good, I can see how they could eat that every day. The next morning we went to a mountain area with monkeys. There's an onsen (hot spring) where the monkeys bathe so we went to see them. They're so
The next day we hit the mountains. Tara went skiing and I was trying to finish a tax document for CollabHealth that I should have finished already. I got most of it done, and finally finished it for my Skype meeting Tuesday. We went to an onsen and then finally got the tacos we wanted! 1,600 yen, a bit steep, but I had been craving them for a while now so I paid up.
Sekine Toru, who I met volunteering a year ago, came back to Kesennuma for a visit so I saw him last night at Stray Sheep. Makes me feel like time is just flying by. Pretty soon I'll be reading this and it'll be a few years past already.
If Machiko is still in Hiroshima in a month, I'll go to Osaka!
旅行【りょこう】 (ryokou) travel; trip
Monday, December 16, 2013
K-Port, Christmas Party
The last few weeks have been fairly quiet I guess, or at least I can't remember exactly what went on.
K-Port, the new coffee shop I wrote about, was apparently made to help the restoration of Kesennuma. I like it and I go there sometimes, but I'm not sure where I stand on the fact that it's right next to the Yatai Mura. Seems like it could be taking some business from the places in the YM, especially seeing as there's already an afternoon coffee shop there. But they do have open wi-fi and... 3 pronged plug-ins!!! They have pizza but it's expensive and they skimp on the toppings. Still haven't tried the curry.
Last Saturday I hosted my 2nd Christmas party at my apartment. It was potluck style and people brought some awesome food. My favorite was the mac'n cheese. Haven't had some real mac'n cheese in a long while. Everyone seemed to have fun! We had a sort of secret santa going on where we all brought presents ranging from 1,500 to 2,000 yen
and played bingo to see who got to choose which presents first. It went well and I ended up getting an Anchor Coffee mug which was perfect, as I was planning on getting one eventually anyway. Thanks Hiroe! Frisa ended up getting the 16 gig usb drive I bought.
Christmas vacation is in less than a week! Going to be busy this week finalizing plans and hopefully setting up a date between my elementary school teacher and another ALT. Hope the teacher isn't sick anymore!
復興【ふっこう】 (fukkou) revival; reconstruction; restoration
K-Port, the new coffee shop I wrote about, was apparently made to help the restoration of Kesennuma. I like it and I go there sometimes, but I'm not sure where I stand on the fact that it's right next to the Yatai Mura. Seems like it could be taking some business from the places in the YM, especially seeing as there's already an afternoon coffee shop there. But they do have open wi-fi and... 3 pronged plug-ins!!! They have pizza but it's expensive and they skimp on the toppings. Still haven't tried the curry.
Last Saturday I hosted my 2nd Christmas party at my apartment. It was potluck style and people brought some awesome food. My favorite was the mac'n cheese. Haven't had some real mac'n cheese in a long while. Everyone seemed to have fun! We had a sort of secret santa going on where we all brought presents ranging from 1,500 to 2,000 yen
Christmas vacation is in less than a week! Going to be busy this week finalizing plans and hopefully setting up a date between my elementary school teacher and another ALT. Hope the teacher isn't sick anymore!
復興【ふっこう】 (fukkou) revival; reconstruction; restoration
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