First off, a disclaimer: Most of the time, Japanese are not consciously meaning to be patronizing or condescending, they are just acting the way they do because they were brought up that way. It is not necessarily wrong, just different.
This guide was written as a joke for Japanese people to better interact with foreigners without annoying them (first hint, it's in English). As for me, I have experienced all of the following except the staring one, and many of them I get every single time I meet a new Japanese person.
1. Chopsticks- Yes, we can use chopsticks. Every Japanese person asks if we can use them. Foreigners who come and live in Japan and can’t use chopsticks are the exception, not the rule. What to do instead: Nothing! It’s normal, so treat us like you would towards Japanese people that can use chopsticks. Is it so impressive that your 4 year old can use them too?
2. Good Japanese- Please don’t tell us our Japanese is good after hearing 2 words come out of our mouth (this is not an exaggeration). It’s not what we want to hear, especially if we know it’s not good. What to do instead: Wait until the conversation progresses a little bit. If we are actually good, then go ahead and say it. If not, ask us if Japanese is difficult, or some similar question.
3. Culture Differences- Just because we don’t do something in our country the way Japan does it doesn’t mean it’s uncivilized or whatnot. Don’t talk, make gestures or make sad noises like it is. What do to instead: Use a curious/interested tone when you respond. Appreciate that cultures are different, not better or worse.
4. Speaking Attempts- If we speak Japanese to you in the beginning, we’re expecting a Japanese answer back. Don’t run away yelling that you can’t speak English, and don’t try to baby or simplify every single word. What to do instead: Answer in Japanese! Also, even if you think we won’t understand a word, try saying it anyway. Worst case, you were right, in which case you can baby your words. If we don’t understand your baby Japanese talk, then feel free to run away.
5. Making Plans- For the love of cute kittens, please don’t tell us you want to hang out, and cancel the day of. It’s really annoying to be stuck with no plans on what is likely one of our days off. We understand this is Japanese culture, but it still pisses us off. What to do instead: If you don’t want to hang out, lie right then and there that your bed ridden mother needs her ass wiped, or something to that effect.
6. Becoming Japanese- Most if not all foreigners have this idea that we can come over and with enough effort, become an EQUAL part of the Japanese society and your individual world. Over time, we realize how silly of a dream this is. The old timers that aren’t still fooling themselves realize that no matter how well we know the culture or the language, or how much we like anime, we will NEVER be fully accepted into Japan. There are many reasons for this, but I don’t want to write a library. What to do instead: This is tough, because as a Japanese person you may not even realize you are shutting us out. Just try to treat us as a Japanese person, and do your best to forget about the barrier that is “foreigner.” Good luck, no one really succeeds.
7. Japanese are Shy- If foreigners ask why Japanese people are so quiet or don’t like to talk, we get the answer that “Japanese are shy.” If you think deeper into the meaning of the word “shy,” you find out that it really dances around a fear of being rejected or not accepted. Sticking out is a no-no in Japanese society, so everyone is the same. Just look around and count the number of hair dye colors you see (brown, anyone?). Unless you are cute or hot, you will definitely be rejected if you are “being shy.” What to do instead: Foreigners are used to being rejected by “shy” Japanese. Therefore, if you are cool and talk to us, we will love you! Don’t think you’re cool enough? If you talk to us, you are. End of story. Usually.
8. Staring- In a zoo you stare at animals because they are different, exotic, cute, and it’s interesting that they kind of have an idea about what’s going on but they don’t fully grasp the situation that they are in. Japanese stare at foreigners for the same reason. I must admit that I don’t get this because I am Asian. What to do instead: You know, foreigners do the same thing to each other because we can be just that rare in this country. It’s fine to take a look, but unless they are asking you to stare (by wearing some outlandish accessory or piece of clothing), please avert your eyes after a second.
This deserves a guide for foreigners to interact with Japanese people while in Japan next.
動物園【どうぶつえん】 (dou/butsu/en) (n) zoo
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